Slowing Down and Paying Attention

‘Feel less anxious about taking time just to be.’ At the time I wrote that note to myself in my iPhone I was pretty close to burnout and was losing my vitality bit by bit. My identity was so caught-up with my work that I couldn’t easily separate from it. I wanted to feel excited again when one of my best-friends invited me over, not burdened by social engagements or stretched too thin across artist dinners and exhibition openings. I was becoming less effective in all areas; not only was I struggling to listen to and connect with those closest to me I was also having trouble staying focused and thinking clearly. I wasn’t sleeping well and when I lay down at night I could feel the blood pumping around my body with a ferocious energy. I was desperate to take some of the pressure off but knew it wasn’t going to be as simple as just resting.

That was almost two years ago and a lot has changed since then. It’s been a process of simplifying and cutting out the excess; realising that my time, energy and finances are limited recourses that need to be allocated wisely. I needed to re-evaluate the things I deemed most important and learn to politely decline periphery invitations and opportunities. By removing some of the busy-ness I have been able to think about what an intentional life might look like, and work towards living in alignment with my values. Actually, until this point I hadn’t given much thought to what my values might be. What I came up with were three quite broad ideas: kindness (to myself, the environment and living beings we share it with), health (mental, physical and financial wellbeing) and openness (to change, new perspectives and adventures; communicating openly and honestly; learning; listening and loving with an open heart).

My one-bedroom apartment, which I never used to spend that much time in, has since become a place of sanctuary, somewhere to recharge and just be. The gears did grind a bit at the start… but the more I said no, the more comfortable I became going slower. I started to take time for activities that made the apartment more enjoyable to be in, like clearing away clutter, cooking vegan recipes from scratch and making my own laundry liquid; with more time on my hands ‘convenience’ became less of an important factor in my decision making. Getting back to the basics led to new feelings of contentment.      

Naturally, this slower pace and interest in living simply stayed with me when I left the apartment. Instead of rushing out the door and off to work each morning I began to spend some time looking around our back laneway. The drawings you see in these first posts are a result of a new daily ritual: picking up whatever rubbish was in the laneway each-morning and sketching one of the pieces before throwing it all away. I’m not sure yet where this blog or my relationship with our unassuming back laneway is headed, but I feel like it’s an important part of the journey towards a rich and fulfilling life.